Search Results

I hope you’re feeling motivated today, but in case you’re struggling, here is a reminder that when we set out to reach our goals, from what I experienced myself and when working with others, is we often overlook the preparation of struggle—that not every day will be a “good day”. Recognizing that we are not defined by our choices—we slip up, make mistakes, and life throws curve balls. We are human and we can’t be or do all the things, all the time. We need to give ourselves a break. Story Time: There was a time a client came into the gym expressing they caught a cold. Minutes into the session I could tell something else was going on beyond a common cold. “Can we go outside today?” they questioned. Walking around for almost 30 minutes we sat down at a park bench. They sighed, “I am afraid I have lost everything—everything I worked hard for. I feel like I physically went back 3 years.” As I continued to listen to them speak, I felt such heaviness because I empathized so strongly—feeling weak, ashamed and afraid. We wont always have a “good day”, “good week” or “good month”. But planning for struggle doesn’t necessarily make it easier either. The feelings are real and valid. Sometimes reframing the situation from “perfection” to “progress” can help—and seeking the help of a professional in this area. Reframing our perception by consistently doing our best. Maybe it’s walking, a 20-minute workout, sleeping or ensuring 1 meal that day has vegetables. Whatever it is, we need to approach this through compassion. Because your best is all we can deliver on—and our best can change and will look different that from anyone else’s.

July 16th is a tough day. We all have moments in our life that will shake us so hard we change. 9 years ago yesterday was one of those days. It was the morning of July 16, 2010. My mom created a bunch of items I needed to check off before starting my last year at NAIT. As I headed out the door my mom said, “I’ll see you when you get home.” I later stopped at the gym to visit my best friend. Our laughter was interrupted by a call. I could tell by my dad’s voice something bad happened. The drive home was the longest drive I have ever done; yet probably the fastest I have ever drove. My mom passed away a couple hours after I walked out of the house. Death brings a lot of heaviness. Isolation. Numbness. It took time to realize that the death of a good friend—my mom—the one who initially planted the seed for me to peruse a career in fitness, gave me a gift in her death. The gift was new sense of strength and confidence. I didn’t realize until I read my NAIT Personal Fitness Trainer classmate's notes on one of my final assignments. Notes I have since held on to and can be summarized as: “I have watched you grow from a shy, quiet guy, into such a confident and strong person. After your presentation it was clear you were not the same person that walked into the first year classroom.” They were right; I wasn’t the same person who first walked into that program a year prior. If I could have my mom back today, without a seconds thought I would. But life sucks sometimes, and I can’t help but in a weird way, thank my mom; for giving me that rooted resilience in life. That no one, or any other situation could have ever brought. Also, though it’s tough, I can now look back and feel grateful because I know many others never had the privilege of 21 great years with their mom. Exercise is a great metaphor to life. So if you’re going through some BS right now, I think of it as a heavy set in your workout. It’s a lot. You don’t know if you can lift the weight. But you often do—You come out fine, maybe a little calloused, but stronger than last week. You got this.

Homophobia is very, very real. Prejudice against marginalized communities isn’t new news, and in this case I am discussing the LGBTQ+ community. Though the world has come a long way in it’s treatment of the community, there are still many countries in the world where it is a punishable offense or death for loving the person you care about who happens to be the same gender. For the sake of this article, I will be discussing homophobia around health and fitness—in the personal workout sense, but also in a professional space. The most recent mainstream cases of homophobia would be from Gus Kenworthy—one of first openly gay athletes to compete in the Olympics for Team USA. Gus is active on social media and during his competition in the 2018 Winter Olympics shared his experience, which included his boyfriend. Gus made note of some of the comments showing up on his YouTube channel. The slurs were hateful and derogatory, but could be summed up as, “It’s 2018—homophobia doesn’t exist anymore. We get it—no one cares you’re gay.” Parker Molloy wrote a piece on the issue stating, “no one sent ‘nobody cares that you’re straight’ comments to straight athletes posting about their significant others or families. It’s almost like they do care that he’s gay.” Gus chose to showcase this as an example that, yes, it’s 2018 and homophobia is alive—particularly in sports. There was an online study, which polled 9,500 people (75% LGBTQ+) in six English-speaking countries — United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, Canada, New Zealand and Australia. The data shows 81% of the Canadians surveyed witnessed or experienced homophobia in sports, while 84% of gay men and 88% of lesbians faced slurs. Over 85% per cent of Canadian LGBTQ+ youth reported they were not open about their sexuality with their teammates. I never had a divested interest in sports growing up myself, but figure skating did grab my attention. “Figure skating is for girls, boys play hockey” is what I was told. Let me take this moment to acknowledge first openly gay Winter Olympic gold medallist, Eric Radford in figure skating and the Women’s Team USA taking home the gold medial in hockey in 2018. Homophobia is a common issue in LGBTQ+ members reaching their health and fitness goals as well. Anxiety is common among most gym goers, but much of the anxiety in the gym comes from valid concerns surrounding fitness culture. Many marginalized groups are still not fully accepted or represented in these spaces. Outside of a workout perspective, homophobia runs in the workplace as well. A new report based on YouGov research with 3213 LGBTQ employees, found that over a 1/3 of LGBTQ people at work have hidden their identity out of fear of discrimination from colleagues (this number rises to 42% for Black, Asian and minority ethnic LGBTQ+ staff, and 51% for trans staff). Workplace bullying/harassment continues to be an issue with close to 1/5 of LGBTQ+ people at work having faced negative comments or conduct from co-workers because of their sexuality or gender identity. Carlito Pablo wrote an article in March 2018, explaining the alleged discrimination by a Vancouver gym manager and co-owner against a gay fitness coach. The article states the employer allegedly said that he will “not hire anymore gay men because he was concerned that they would hit on him”. Also, the owner allegedly said “his life would be easier if he was gay because everyone would hit on him”. B.C. Human Rights Tribunal member Jacqueline Beltgens stated, the accused also noted that the claims are “exaggerated or untrue” but do not dispute that certain comments were made. The accused deny that the fitness coach was ever bullied, but assert that the comments made, were all intended to be light-hearted, and none of them were directed at the fitness coach. To the best of my knowledge, the matter is still being settled with the use of the tribunal’s mediation services. Regardless of the intent behind the comments (being “light-hearted” jokes), it was still at the expense of a person—a marginalized group of people. Though I was “late” to coming out—I came out in my early 20’s, homophobic slurs was something I was experiencing from as far back as I can remember. My biggest professional homophobic indecent was brought to my attention in 2015 when colleagues were using my sexuality as a form of attack on another colleague (who is straight and I barely knew). “No one should make you feel bad for the way you choose to live your life”, the culprits explained to me during the meeting. After listening to forced sounding apologies, my colleague and I looked them in the eye and asked, “Why, out of every one—all other coworkers—why did you choose me—why did you choose, Shane?” After many versions of, “I don’t know—it was just a joke taken too far”, I realized they couldn’t publicly admit that it was because I'm gay. I would describe the following months as awkward, but civil. There was now an "elephant in the room", I had to be alongside not just the homophobic messengers, but some colleagues who turned a blind eye and meetings that fell quiet. Up until that moment, I had the privilege of being a gay man, who never had to question whether or not my sexuality would be a problem in the workplace. Fitness Personality, Jillian Michaels describes how she had “lost a couple big campaigns and a couple magazine covers fell through”, after coming out publicly as a lesbian. Not all cases are so, in your face—I have been in this industry since 2011 and I can recall a fleeting moment where I am working with a client, then suddenly made part of another (straight) trainer’s narrative as he’s questioning his failed relationships adding, "...even Shane can find a woman.” There is a lot to unpack there, but for the topic of this article I will just reference the societal default of me being with a woman. At the time of writing this, I have been committed to another man for almost five years. I don’t place full ownership on this man, because he was a boy who grew up in a society where the expectation is, “men find themselves a woman.” Not to mention I now needed to navigate through a narrative I wasn't asked to be apart of during my client's session, as they are fully aware of the context. I also need to note that I didn't feel any malicious intent behind the comment, I feel it was made purely from a place of ignorance. Earlier in my career I was hesitant to make my sexuality known in the fear of losing clients. Today when asked about my weekend during a client's session, I don't have an issue mentioning my boyfriend passively in conversation because personally, I am more comfortable in my body, but also I don't want to work with those who would deny me of my basic rights anyway. It took time for me to get here and I realize in a way, a privilege I hold right now. Where before it was in the forefront of my mind, but also because I recognize many LGBTQ+ trainers may too struggle with this professionally. There have been some reports that the biggest issue with homophobia and sports/fitness is within the change rooms. Cyd Zeigler (one of the founders of Outsports.com) stated to the Chicago Tribune, on a professional level, it’s the “locker room” banter that further marginalizes a gay/closeted person. Reporting most closeted athletes cannot relate to the banter going on because it’s usually about woman (derogatory or not) and teasing of the male gender (usually at the expense of qualities non-straight men generally posses). Another issue with that 'banter' is due to the relaxed nature of gyms compared to other professional establishments, that banter can easily find it's way onto the gym floor where LGBTQ+ clients and trainers now need to navigate around. Change room harassment and judgements are prevalent to the Community on the general scale from patrons just trying to workout in their local gym. Those who may not be “straight passing” are at a higher risk for harassment and physical abuse as well. Personally, when I think about gym class, yeah, the class sucked, but a huge anxiety trigger, was the change room itself. I knew there would be guys in there with me that have said slurs to me or I have heard them say to others, making me nervous because I thought, “What if?” What if they verbally assaulted me? What if they physically assaulted me? What if something happens, and there is no adult authority to witness? So when I read that the locker/change rooms were an issue, I wasn't surprised. I have an appreciation for professional sports, but personally don’t follow them closely. With this I am making myself more aware of professional athlete's experiences coming out of the closet and how their careers may have been affected. Homophobia in fitness is a very diverse, multi-layered subject and I have only scratched the surface here. Admittedly, I still have much to learn, but after many conversations, global issues and personal experience, I felt the need to showcase the issues that the LGBTQ+ Fitness Community faces both on a personal “working out” and professional “training/athlete” level. I also feel as someone who is working professionally in the health/wellness industry, these are issues that need to be discussed, because fitness is, and should be, for everyone.

The gym is an intimidating place. It brings all our insecurities to the forefront. At some point you have been new to a gym, new to fitness, or new to the feelings of getting back into a physical regime. Being the kid who was picked last in gym class, I know the nerves and anxiety that follow you when entering the gym for the first time. How to do you stop these worries from getting the best of you? Here I am going to discuss some strategies that have helped myself and my clients overcome gym-phobia. 1. Plan. Go in with a structured workout or fitness program. There is the familiar saying, “failing to plan, is planning to fail”, and it’s true. Assuming you’ve heard to grocery list analogy – do not go grocery shopping without a list, because if you do you’ll purchase a lot of unnecessary products. Same for the gym. You should not walk blindly into the gym. Look up the exercises beforehand and walk in there confidently because you know what you need to be doing. If you need to hire a trainer or an online coach you can inquire with myself here. 2. Acquire. There is strength in numbers. Try to workout with a friend whom you are comfortable with. You will want to surround yourself with people who can motivate and help build your confidence. 3. Reassure. Remind yourself that you aren’t there to be judged. Majority of people do not go to gym to stare at other people. They go there to feel better and get closer to their goals. Reassure yourself of your intent. Let’s also be realistic - there may be times where you do get judged. But that says something about the judge, not the juror. It’s a projection we do onto others as a survival technique. We’ve all done it. I remember a time when I saw a man with a massive chest and arms thinking, “Oh, he clearly thinks I’m weak.” Did he? Maybe. Most likely not. The most probable scenario is, he probably didn’t even notice me because he was focused on his workout. Judgments may happen, but you’re not there to worry about that, you’re there to workout. 4. Investigate. Look into what is actually making you anxious. Taking a look at my previous example with myself assuming the man “thought I was weak”. I wasn’t anxious because of him. I was anxious because I lacked confidence in my own abilities. I was anxious because I was so busy comparing myself to others, I forgot why I was even there in the first place. 5. Show up. Continuously walk through those gym doors. There will be days when you’re crushing life and feelin’ yourself, and other days where you want to avoid the gym at all costs. Either way, show up. Competency comes in the reps. Competency builds confidence. You’ll need to take a few more steps through the doors and a few more attempts at that new exercise, before you can master it. Consistently walking through that gym will allow you to become more accustomed to your environment and your levels of comfort will rise.

A question we all want the answer to. Instant gratification rocks, so immediately would be ideal, right? However, every person is different and unique, so you should expect that your results would also be unique to others. It may be quicker or it may be slower. If you do not see results immediately, do not panic. Your body is already getting stronger and healthier after your first workout. What is the order I should see changes happen? John Romaniello explained the order of change typically occurs with strength first. You'll notice the weights you’re using seem lighter than they were before, resulting in you lifting heavier. This happens because your brain learns to recruit more muscle fibres in order to lift heavier loads. The second adaptation to occur would be with your performance. Meaning you are becoming better at moving. Your body and nervous system are developing and become more efficient at the movement patterns and building endurance. Endurance means you’re able to lift weights or perform a certain amount of work without tiring easily. This occurs because your body is increasing the number of Mitochondria – the cell's espresso machine. The more mitochondria you have, the more energy your muscles will have. However, this is where many people can become frustrated. In my earlier years this is where I would jump ship and swap programs because I wasn't seeing these visual changes. The issue is they don’t really start to appear until after your strength increases and performances improves. I wasn't giving the program enough time to actually run it's course. The method of program hopping was a detriment to my progress. This is why consistency is so important in your workout regime. “Okay, but when do I see the results of my hard work?” If you don't make the errors I made early on, within the third adaptation there will be a decrease in body fat. After approximately 4-6 weeks you are able to notice a fat loss, because your body is more efficient and able to perform more work (burning more calories). Lastly, after strength and endurance increases, better movement patterns, and fat being lost to energy expenditure, you gain muscle. This is where you really start to see the results in the mirror. This lean muscle you have will also burn fat to help maintain itself, in addition to the more intensive calorie burning workouts. Of course this is a general outline of the body adaptation process and you can very likely notice measurable differences along the way giving a proper nutrition and workout regime.​ ​ BOTTOM LINE: the process of “getting fit” is a journey that expands over months and years, but the benefits start on the first workout. If you’re consistent, you should start seeing the visual results after 4-6 weeks.

Frustration is not an interruption of your process. Frustration IS the process. The fun part is when we are feeling great, we have more energy and we’re seeing results—our friends are seeing our results. But Elizabeth Gilbert states, “You don’t just get to leap from bright moment to bright moment. How you manage yourself between these bright moments—when things aren’t going so great, is a measure of how devoted you are.” Holding ourselves together through the mess is where the real work lies. But it’s also where the magic occurs. I was having this conversation over Christmas, half jokingly, “Can’t I just skip the messy middle and get to the part where I’m comfortable!?” Mark Manson writes, “Everything sucks, some of the time. You just have to know what suckage you’re willing to deal with. So the question is, what are you passionate enough about, that you can endure the most trying points of the process?” I can explain it this way—if you want to change your body or your health in some way, you are going to have to sacrifice something, and you may have to be prepared to do some internal reflecting. You will be uncomfortable. The other side is, not changing at all, keeping all your goals as fantasies, but remaining comfortable. Both will be frustrating at times. But which frustration do you want?

I just joined a gym—now what? So you have mustered up the nerve and signed up for a gym membership. This is an exciting point in your endeavour, but with that may also comes some confusion and anxiety. “Okay, well now what?” “What do I focus on?” “What equipment do I use?” are all common and completely normal questions, and we can combat this. I am about to lay out some of my general tips to help guide you through the next steps after purchasing your membership. 1. Get a coach/personal trainer Being a Personal Trainer myself, I am biased, but signing up for a few sessions with a trainer or coach will significantly help offset any anxiety or confusion with exercise. This is also an opportunity to ask questions, go through proper form and get an idea of how an exercise should “feel”. 2. Focus on the big blocks There is a lot to absorb when it comes to getting started in the gym/working out. I recommend focusing on the biggest 3 factors to get you going. Exercise form comes first. It’s important to ensure that you are using the equipment safely, moving in the best way for your body and using the targeted muscles. Also, using proper form is incredibly important for injury prevention. It’s normal to maybe want to go a little “easy” on the first 1-2 workouts. I often ease new clients in to see how they manage during and recover after the workout. You might feel great during, but it can be quite demotivating not being able to move your arms or walk properly for 2-4 days after. That said, you do want to be challenged in the workout. Choose a weight where you can execute every rep with perfect form, but having the last 2-3 reps of the set a struggle. If it isn’t a struggle, go heavier. If you cannot complete all reps, go lighter. Lastly—progressive overload. Progressive overload is a gradual increase in stress on the body during exercise. Building on the last point, eventually what was once challenging will no longer be. The body adapts—becomes stronger. Because of this you want to ensure you’re increasing the weights to ensure that the last few reps are still a challenge. 3. Get a plan and/or partner Signing up with a trainer is a great strategy to increase your accountability and have a plan created for you. Also joining a friend or asking them to come along with you, is a great way to increase some external accountability and comfort with support/familiarity. 4. Patience One of the biggest hindrances to people not reaching their goals is lack of consistency. We want quick results, but we need to remember that this takes time. I have laid out the process of “body change” here. Every workout you complete is moving you one step closer to your goals, and at times the wait can be frustrating, but hey,– Beyoncé wasn’t built in a day and either will be your body goals.

It was the fall of 2009 when I felt the heaviness associated with my self-worth tied to my body. If you have ever had the number on the scale dictate how you were to feel about yourself for the following day, weeks or months, you know the heavy feeing that comes with this. I was sitting in my room working on physiology assignments. This was the first time I had actually calculated BMI. Upon my calculations I found out that I fell into the “overweight” category. I redid the work because I must have made an error. Nope. Four times later, I still fell into the “overweight” category. “Am I overweight?” – “Have I always been overweight?” – “When did this happen?” I sat at my desk trying to absorb these numbers and the categorization of my body/health. 🤯(Side note: it was much later on realizing the fat-phobia that society conditions us to as well). The next day in class I can remember diving deeper into how BMI only gives you one story and how different compositions can give the same category. (I.e. a body builder could very well fall into an “overweight” or “obese’ category based off their weight and height.) But I am thinking – how many times do we let numbers determine how we show up in the world? How often do we talk down towards on ourselves – speak in shame and disgust because of a number or a category? I wasn’t aware of this at the time or even how often this happened to me. I eventually have been able to take scale numbers as feedback without tying my worthiness into it. We live in a society that categorizes us and these boxes can be crippling. This messaging is learnt. We don’t wake up hating our bodies, with the negative connotations or what bodies are “acceptable”. Somewhere along the way we absorbed a story that was never ours. I urge you to begin the process of separating from the narratives that are not your own. I urge you to look at yourself as more than a number. Categories and numbers are tools. They provide feedback and only give you one aspect, to a much broader picture. There is a lot more to us than what the scale reads and what category we may fall in.

False narratives are a major player in our self-sabotage. A narrative is simply a story. It’s within our personal narratives that can get us into trouble. These are the stories we tell ourselves about our experiences to help us understand a situation. But what happens when we interpret a story wrongly? Author Erin Brown Conroy states, “We don’t fully understand what’s going on, miss what someonemeans, and misconstrue the meaning of entire situations”—we jump to conclusions. This is where the issues begin, because we only interpret a narrative through our own POV, which is always skewed—twisted from our preconceived notions and experiences. Erin explains that a false narrative is the gaps in a story that are our own creations, which aren’t true, but we believe them to be and cement a full story or experience. This is where the destruction and sabotage we impose on ourselves comes into play. False narratives create a trend of negative thought links and halts progress. We do this because it’s easier—it’s easier than seeking the truth, investigating, dropping preconceived notions and maybe even neglecting our own responsibility. This is when we can throw ourselves off course from our fitness goals, personal relationships or professional endeavors. So what can you do? Whenever I find myself immersed in a false narrative of my own creation I look for the truth and proof—I ask myself, “What am I basing this off of?” and “Based off of what I know to be FACT, does this add up?” Most of the time it doesn’t. Truth and proof seeking are the elixirs to a false story. But knowing what the cure is to the false narrative doesn’t mean it’s now smooth sailing, because though it’s a false story, we still need to UNlearn the story—that’s where the messy and uncomfortable effort comes in. But it’s where the change happens.

I was listening to a Podcast when the interviewer asked, “What are you afraid of?” Hearing the question stunned me a bit. I began to contemplate my answer as if the interviewer was asking me the question. There was a series of images throughout my life that came flooding forward; within seconds I had my answer. I am afraid of not being enough. Not being good enough. Smart enough. Fit enough. Masculine enough. Out-going enough. Healthy enough. I was lying in bed, but had a unsettled feeling in my stomach. Familiar to when I first sat down with my counselor back in 2012. There are moments in our lives that can plague us. The duration or consistency is highly individual. Whether we carry these incidents for short moments, months or years are often an unconscious decision – at least it was for myself. So how far back did these feelings go? My feeling of not being smart enough first came when I was in grade 2. I was held back a year. I was a young boy, with a lot of energy, an often-short attention span and some trouble with reading and math. Watching all my friends move forward into the next grade was a difficult one. The time I can first remember the feeling of, not being smart enough. The image of myself in and out of the hospital flooded my brain. This stemmed from a ruptured appendix in the third grade to a developed blood disorder that wouldnt stabilize till the tenth grade. I could carry this trend back years before grade school to a hernia as well, if I really reach. This was some of the most trying times for my family and myself. I remember lying there in the hospital bed and weighing heavily on my mind. “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be healthy like the other kids?” The time I can first remember the feeling of, not being healthy enough. I can remember my desperation after school in grade 6 standing at the bus stop asking my friends to befriend me again. Apologizing for “being annoying and girly” stating, “I can change.”  I was an easy target for the jocks in the grades ahead of me too throughout junior high and early high school. These are the times I can remember the feeling of, not being masculine enough. Gym class is always a place I never felt comfortable. If not chosen by default, I was often picked last in gym class. Even in college when picked off into teams, I would cringe to flashbacks of adolescence gym class. These are the times I never felt fit enough, athletic enough, strong enough or popular enough. “Honestly, I don’t think you could be a personal trainer.” I remember hearing this in drama class, when discussing what paths we were contemplating after high school. I glared and asked why. “Because, people aren’t going to want to be trained by you. You’re not fit enough to be a personal trainer.” That guy’s statement stuck with me. Especially upon graduating and when my manager put an ad out for new clients and someone I've never met emailed me, “Maybe you would have more clients, if you lost weight.” I was dumbfounded. Was this guy in grade 11 Drama class actually, right? Of course not. But I went there for a moment. So, you too have a fear of not being enough – smart enough, fit enough, pretty enough, healthy enough, funny enough. What can you do with this? 1. Stop the comparison. The thing is when you have a feeling of being inferior; it’s often when you’re putting yourself or being put beside some one else in comparison. As a society, we have identified points of success: a career providing a lot of financial wealth, a fancy house, a happy marriage, a fit appearance, nice clothes and beautiful children. Often, we compare ourselves to those we feel have reached these points -- even though the reality may be different than what we perceive. But you’re entering into a fight you’ll never win. Your perceived flaws are always pitted against your perceived strength of another. We need to define what success and accomplishment means to us. Our personal definition of success may contain elements to the person’s sitting beside us, but it isn't the exact definition. Karolina Tatarenkova, writer for the Huffington Post states, “If you rely on somebody's validation of your success, you will never be free. It will be easy for anyone to derail you off your path.” Determine your definition and follow your own path. 2. Deal with the hurt. Author and Doctor, Brené Brown has said, “Over time when I feel hurt, angry or ashamed – I am going to do something with that. There are these very patterned ways people offload hurt and emotion instead of feel it. Then a seemingly innocent comment happens, and they go into a rage. That’s ‘eggshell environment.’ That’s trauma inducing. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Your body keeps score and will always win.” This is why you can put yourself right back in the gym class, that hospital room, entering that grade 2 class room another year or opening up that email filled with judgement. Your body will harness and hold onto these incidents in a way of dealing with hurt and in some cases, alter you. When I was going through those moments that created the feeling of not being enough, I didn’t actually deal with (most) of them, creating turmoil inside me, which sometimes came to life through mean comments and actions towards others – even my loved ones – my people. I’m not proud of these moments, but because of this I know it’s likely I was apart of another’s feeling of not being _________ enough because I never dealt with my own shit. 3. Benefit of the doubt - We’re all doing our best, given the tools we have. What’s the saying, “the people who hurt, are often the ones doing the hurting”. Looking back, any comment that was directed towards me, came from a place of hurt the person hadn’t dealt with. I know this because I’ve recognized it within myself and sometimes I see this in others. I remember wanting to tell grade 6 Shane to show those "friends" the nearest exit. To stop agreeing to change yourself for acceptance. But in that moment, I was doing the best thing I could to survive - to not get hurt. Jill Coleman says when we give someone the benefit of the doubt it’s asking yourself, ‘Have I never offended someone?’ or ‘I have ever been mean to someone?’ and then taking it one step further and asking, ‘And when I did those things, was I even aware of the other person's feelings?’ Many times, we aren't even aware of the words we’re saying and the effect they have. So there may be a chance that person who upset you wasn’t even aware they were doing it. 4. Harness the feelings into strength. I saw a picture that read, “The pain in your today, is giving you the strength you need for tomorrow.” A sometimes irritating thing to read when you’re living the pain, but how often do we look back on that difficult situation with appreciation. “If it wasn’t for all the hard times and challenges in my life, I would not have the drive and determination that lead me to sit here today.” – Christina Aguilera Back in 2015 I became aware that I was being involved in a string of malicious messages from former colleagues. The messages were geared towards hurting another person, by using my own sexuality – a gay man. Though I wasn’t the direct target of these messages, having my sexuality being used as a weapon was infuriating, but also difficult to describe. I credit my past experiences for allowing me to confidently walk into that boardroom with a backbone to challenge those individuals face to face on their ignorant actions. Actions that speak nothing about who I am or the person they were targeting, but volumes about the perpetrators. Which leads me to my last point. 5. Don’t take it personally. The words or feelings are not spoken from your truth, but from their insecurity. Mike Robbins introduced me to the quote, “You wouldn’t worry about what other people think about you so much if you realized how little they actually did.” Boom! How true is this? Yes, the fact is that most people are focusing much more on themselves than on us. Very often we take things personally. Things that actually had nothing to do with us. This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us or treat us in hurtful ways. We need to up for ourselves when we’re being disrespected. What Mike Robbins means is, when we stop taking things so personally we actually liberate ourselves from needless worry, defensiveness and conflict. So what is going to make you, enough? I urge you to stop looking outside for your validation. Validate yourself. Deal with your shit. Don’t suppress it to the point where it becomes toxic to your relationships. Then take all the bullshit and create magic from it. It will take time and it will be messy. I’ll leave you here with this: It’s currently estimated that there are over seven billion people in the world today. You’re one in seven billion. Some of those billions will share the same characteristics as you, experiences as you and values as you. But not one person can stand beside you and say they are you. You’re a rarity, and that’s pretty fucking spectacular.

It was around 2015 when I went to Vegas with some friends. One night we went out for dinner — nothing out of the ordinary. We had drinks in the room beforehand, grabbed a to-go cup for the walk to the restaurant, ordered more drinks at the table and finished the night with appetizers, mains and shared desserts. A couple days later, my waistband was tighter and my shirt buttons were snug. "Damn alcohol," I thought. Most of us have been there. "If I want to lose weight, I need to cut out all the alcohol." But here’s what the research actually shows: it’s not moderate alcohol consumption that makes us gain weight — it’s the choices we make after we drink. That’s a meaningful distinction, and it’s worth understanding why. What Does Alcohol Actually Do to Your Body? Your liver processes alcohol at a rate of roughly 7 grams per hour. That’s easy to exceed — a single glass of wine contains about 14 grams. Once your liver falls behind, alcohol enters your bloodstream and reaches your brain. This is when reaction time, memory and judgment all take a hit — and your brain’s reward and pleasure-seeking systems kick into high gear. You’re not broken. You’re just human. It’s Not Really the Calories — It’s the Appetite Effect Alcohol calories do add up. Three glasses of red wine is around 375 calories. Four pints of beer is roughly 830 calories — more than three McDonald’s hamburgers. But the bigger issue isn’t what you drink. It’s what you eat after . Research shows that moderate alcohol consumption can increase how much you eat by up to 30% . And not just quantity — it also blunts the signal that tells your brain you’re full. The point where you’d normally feel stuffed? You may not feel it at all. That Vegas night? We stopped at the lobby fast food spot on the way back to the room. I’d estimate 1,500 calories before my head hit the pillow. One practical strategy: Eat about 10% less than your usual intake earlier in the day before a night out — but don’t skip eating altogether. Eating before you drink slows alcohol absorption significantly, from 100% on an empty stomach to around 66% on a full one. Why Does the Scale Move Even When You Didn’t Overeat? You wake up two to four pounds lighter? That’s dehydration, not fat loss. You wake up two to four pounds heavier? That’s water retention from alcohol and salt — not fat gain. This is exactly why stepping on the scale every morning is misleading. There are too many variables at play. Give yourself two to three days after a night out before drawing any conclusions from the number. How to Plan Alcohol Into Your Routine Most of the clients I work with do best with a habits-based approach rather than rigid calorie counting. With that in mind, here’s what actually works: •  Plan for one to two drinks, not six to eight. •  If you’re tracking calories, subtract your drink calories from your food budget for the day. •  Eat a real meal before you go out. •  Try not to eat once you’re actively drinking. Small decisions made before you’re three drinks in are far more effective than willpower at midnight. What About Drinking Water While You’re Out? Alcohol is a diuretic — it makes you urinate more, which flushes out water, salt and electrolytes. Drinking water throughout the night helps, but it’s not a complete fix because you’re still losing electrolytes. The more effective approach: hydrate well before you go out, and rehydrate with electrolytes when you get home. Gatorade works. So does coconut water or an electrolyte supplement if you have one on hand. The Hangover and the Day-After Cravings The day after a night of drinking, your goal shifts to “just feel better.” That’s normal. The craving for greasy, salty comfort food isn’t weakness — your body is depleted and dehydrated and those foods deliver electrolytes and quick energy. The problem is that Uber Eats at noon becomes a 1,400-calorie meal you didn’t plan for. A better move: stock your kitchen with nutrient-dense, lower-calorie options before the weekend. Eggs, fruit, Greek yogurt, and soup can satisfy the same craving without the damage. Training After a Night Out If you know you’re going out, train earlier in the day. Don’t skip it waiting to see how you feel. Can you train hungover? Yes. Should it be a max effort session? No. A light workout — a walk, mobility work, or a low-intensity session will actually help you feel better by getting blood moving. Just be honest with yourself about your output and adjust accordingly. The Bottom Line: You don’t have to choose between having a social life and making progress in the gym. The goal is to make better decisions around your drinking — before, during and the day after — so that one night out doesn’t derail a week of good work. If you have questions about how to structure your nutrition around your lifestyle — not around a rigid diet plan, that’s exactly what I help people with. Every client’s situation is different and yours is no exception. Ready to build a plan that actually fits your life? Book a free consultation and let’s figure out what works for you .

A few weeks back my friend and I were attending a summer BBQ and we wanted to dress up a bit. Days before the event I had mentally prepared my two options—both were button shirts, different colors. Hours before the event I went to try on the shirts and was soon frustrated. My boyfriend asked what was wrong. “Urg. I feel too fat to wear these clothes right now.” He insisted everything looked great and helped me try on some alternate choices. But I was still frustrated. This lasted for about 45 minutes. I had this conversation with a client the following week in the gym and said, “That’s what happens when you consume food and drinks like a Jerk for two and half weeks.” I digressed by saying I wasn’t too worried about it because give me 10 days of regular exercise, eating and I’ll be back to feeling like myself. Which was authentic to how I felt. Why I am emailing you today is because I hear this frequently—people telling me they feel “fat”, “huge” or “have a big stomach”. I read something that struck me from Jessi Kneeland I wanted to share with you: “Feeling ‘fat’ and actually being fat are completely separate and unrelated experiences.” The question being asked is the idea behind why feeling fat is a problem—what does that feel like? The challenge here is to put to words why ‘feeling fat’ is such a negative thing. For myself, the struggle comes from a larger feeling of negativity—things that are harder to name or discuss, so “feeling fat” is the easier route. Jessi Kneeland states, “Fat is not a feeling”. Fat is a description, like “tall”, “slow”, “strong” or “pink”. These are all subjective—not good or bad. But we attached meaning to these words and that’s where the issues arise. For me, the problem wasn’t feeling “fat”, but it was frustrated (mentioned earlier).  It was a feeling of anger towards myself because I willingly over consumed alcohol and food. Yes, I had a lot of celebratory events and family from the USA staying with us. But never did they ask me to consume that way. The responsibility was on myself, and that frustrated me. Jessi went on to state that growing up (particularly with women), “Being called ‘fat’ or ‘big’ or ‘ugly’ was excruciating and everyone knew it, so if someone really wanted to hurt you, those were the insults hurled at you.” The meaning attached to these words are from our surroundings and society as a means to make us feel unworthy—less than. So society can keep us playing small, companies can sell us products to ‘fix’ us and the people around us can make themselves feel better than us. It’s been drawn to my attention that anyone who struggles with feeling fat, unflattering or any body image issues, is really struggling with something else entirely. Maybe it’s failure or worthiness. Maybe it’s something traumatic or maybe like my latest experience, frustrated (with a little shame) because ‘you knew better’. So, I am leaving you with this message by Jessi: Body acceptance is more than reframing our flaws. It’s more than only loving yourself when you’re fit or eating well or doing things you know are ‘right’. Real love is about letting go of the belief that other people have the right to determine if you’re ‘good enough’. It’s about basing your worth on something other than being looked at.