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False narratives are a major player in our self-sabotage. A narrative is simply a story. It’s within our personal narratives that can get us into trouble. These are the stories we tell ourselves about our experiences to help us understand a situation. But what happens when we interpret a story wrongly? Author Erin Brown Conroy states, “We don’t fully understand what’s going on, miss what someonemeans, and misconstrue the meaning of entire situations”—we jump to conclusions. This is where the issues begin, because we only interpret a narrative through our own POV, which is always skewed—twisted from our preconceived notions and experiences. Erin explains that a false narrative is the gaps in a story that are our own creations, which aren’t true, but we believe them to be and cement a full story or experience. This is where the destruction and sabotage we impose on ourselves comes into play. False narratives create a trend of negative thought links and halts progress. We do this because it’s easier—it’s easier than seeking the truth, investigating, dropping preconceived notions and maybe even neglecting our own responsibility. This is when we can throw ourselves off course from our fitness goals, personal relationships or professional endeavors. So what can you do? Whenever I find myself immersed in a false narrative of my own creation I look for the truth and proof—I ask myself, “What am I basing this off of?” and “Based off of what I know to be FACT, does this add up?” Most of the time it doesn’t. Truth and proof seeking are the elixirs to a false story. But knowing what the cure is to the false narrative doesn’t mean it’s now smooth sailing, because though it’s a false story, we still need to UNlearn the story—that’s where the messy and uncomfortable effort comes in. But it’s where the change happens.

I was listening to a Podcast when the interviewer asked, “What are you afraid of?” Hearing the question stunned me a bit. I began to contemplate my answer as if the interviewer was asking me the question. There was a series of images throughout my life that came flooding forward; within seconds I had my answer. I am afraid of not being enough. Not being good enough. Smart enough. Fit enough. Masculine enough. Out-going enough. Healthy enough. I was lying in bed, but had a unsettled feeling in my stomach. Familiar to when I first sat down with my counselor back in 2012. There are moments in our lives that can plague us. The duration or consistency is highly individual. Whether we carry these incidents for short moments, months or years are often an unconscious decision – at least it was for myself. So how far back did these feelings go? My feeling of not being smart enough first came when I was in grade 2. I was held back a year. I was a young boy, with a lot of energy, an often-short attention span and some trouble with reading and math. Watching all my friends move forward into the next grade was a difficult one. The time I can first remember the feeling of, not being smart enough. The image of myself in and out of the hospital flooded my brain. This stemmed from a ruptured appendix in the third grade to a developed blood disorder that wouldnt stabilize till the tenth grade. I could carry this trend back years before grade school to a hernia as well, if I really reach. This was some of the most trying times for my family and myself. I remember lying there in the hospital bed and weighing heavily on my mind. “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be healthy like the other kids?” The time I can first remember the feeling of, not being healthy enough. I can remember my desperation after school in grade 6 standing at the bus stop asking my friends to befriend me again. Apologizing for “being annoying and girly” stating, “I can change.”  I was an easy target for the jocks in the grades ahead of me too throughout junior high and early high school. These are the times I can remember the feeling of, not being masculine enough. Gym class is always a place I never felt comfortable. If not chosen by default, I was often picked last in gym class. Even in college when picked off into teams, I would cringe to flashbacks of adolescence gym class. These are the times I never felt fit enough, athletic enough, strong enough or popular enough. “Honestly, I don’t think you could be a personal trainer.” I remember hearing this in drama class, when discussing what paths we were contemplating after high school. I glared and asked why. “Because, people aren’t going to want to be trained by you. You’re not fit enough to be a personal trainer.” That guy’s statement stuck with me. Especially upon graduating and when my manager put an ad out for new clients and someone I've never met emailed me, “Maybe you would have more clients, if you lost weight.” I was dumbfounded. Was this guy in grade 11 Drama class actually, right? Of course not. But I went there for a moment. So, you too have a fear of not being enough – smart enough, fit enough, pretty enough, healthy enough, funny enough. What can you do with this? 1. Stop the comparison. The thing is when you have a feeling of being inferior; it’s often when you’re putting yourself or being put beside some one else in comparison. As a society, we have identified points of success: a career providing a lot of financial wealth, a fancy house, a happy marriage, a fit appearance, nice clothes and beautiful children. Often, we compare ourselves to those we feel have reached these points -- even though the reality may be different than what we perceive. But you’re entering into a fight you’ll never win. Your perceived flaws are always pitted against your perceived strength of another. We need to define what success and accomplishment means to us. Our personal definition of success may contain elements to the person’s sitting beside us, but it isn't the exact definition. Karolina Tatarenkova, writer for the Huffington Post states, “If you rely on somebody's validation of your success, you will never be free. It will be easy for anyone to derail you off your path.” Determine your definition and follow your own path. 2. Deal with the hurt. Author and Doctor, Brené Brown has said, “Over time when I feel hurt, angry or ashamed – I am going to do something with that. There are these very patterned ways people offload hurt and emotion instead of feel it. Then a seemingly innocent comment happens, and they go into a rage. That’s ‘eggshell environment.’ That’s trauma inducing. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Your body keeps score and will always win.” This is why you can put yourself right back in the gym class, that hospital room, entering that grade 2 class room another year or opening up that email filled with judgement. Your body will harness and hold onto these incidents in a way of dealing with hurt and in some cases, alter you. When I was going through those moments that created the feeling of not being enough, I didn’t actually deal with (most) of them, creating turmoil inside me, which sometimes came to life through mean comments and actions towards others – even my loved ones – my people. I’m not proud of these moments, but because of this I know it’s likely I was apart of another’s feeling of not being _________ enough because I never dealt with my own shit. 3. Benefit of the doubt - We’re all doing our best, given the tools we have. What’s the saying, “the people who hurt, are often the ones doing the hurting”. Looking back, any comment that was directed towards me, came from a place of hurt the person hadn’t dealt with. I know this because I’ve recognized it within myself and sometimes I see this in others. I remember wanting to tell grade 6 Shane to show those "friends" the nearest exit. To stop agreeing to change yourself for acceptance. But in that moment, I was doing the best thing I could to survive - to not get hurt. Jill Coleman says when we give someone the benefit of the doubt it’s asking yourself, ‘Have I never offended someone?’ or ‘I have ever been mean to someone?’ and then taking it one step further and asking, ‘And when I did those things, was I even aware of the other person's feelings?’ Many times, we aren't even aware of the words we’re saying and the effect they have. So there may be a chance that person who upset you wasn’t even aware they were doing it. 4. Harness the feelings into strength. I saw a picture that read, “The pain in your today, is giving you the strength you need for tomorrow.” A sometimes irritating thing to read when you’re living the pain, but how often do we look back on that difficult situation with appreciation. “If it wasn’t for all the hard times and challenges in my life, I would not have the drive and determination that lead me to sit here today.” – Christina Aguilera Back in 2015 I became aware that I was being involved in a string of malicious messages from former colleagues. The messages were geared towards hurting another person, by using my own sexuality – a gay man. Though I wasn’t the direct target of these messages, having my sexuality being used as a weapon was infuriating, but also difficult to describe. I credit my past experiences for allowing me to confidently walk into that boardroom with a backbone to challenge those individuals face to face on their ignorant actions. Actions that speak nothing about who I am or the person they were targeting, but volumes about the perpetrators. Which leads me to my last point. 5. Don’t take it personally. The words or feelings are not spoken from your truth, but from their insecurity. Mike Robbins introduced me to the quote, “You wouldn’t worry about what other people think about you so much if you realized how little they actually did.” Boom! How true is this? Yes, the fact is that most people are focusing much more on themselves than on us. Very often we take things personally. Things that actually had nothing to do with us. This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us or treat us in hurtful ways. We need to up for ourselves when we’re being disrespected. What Mike Robbins means is, when we stop taking things so personally we actually liberate ourselves from needless worry, defensiveness and conflict. So what is going to make you, enough? I urge you to stop looking outside for your validation. Validate yourself. Deal with your shit. Don’t suppress it to the point where it becomes toxic to your relationships. Then take all the bullshit and create magic from it. It will take time and it will be messy. I’ll leave you here with this: It’s currently estimated that there are over seven billion people in the world today. You’re one in seven billion. Some of those billions will share the same characteristics as you, experiences as you and values as you. But not one person can stand beside you and say they are you. You’re a rarity, and that’s pretty fucking spectacular.

Bright lights, loud noises, lots of people and foreign looking equipment. If I can recall one of my first entrances into a gym, this is what I remember experiencing. I have been in many gyms since then and can say this is often what you will see when you first walk pass the front desk. If you’re generally more introverted (like myself), are a bit anxious and hesitant to start working out, these factors are not in your favor. But you already knew this. It’s necessary in noting that the fear of being judged is complicated and highly individual as it ties in with each person’s own experience and past traumas. This article is really just scratching the surface about the feeling of being judged and how to start the process to move away from these feelings. I know personally it can also affect members of the LGBTQ+ Community and also other marginalized communities for their race and gender, differently. If you feel you’re being judged based on your sexual orientation, gender or race, my opinion is bringing this to management and then maybe look at finding another, more suitable gym. I would also recommend asking the gym before signing up, what their policies are in regards to patron’s being discriminated against or if it is a safe space. I remember feeling the vibration of what I assumed were weights dropping to the floor, a blend of voices on the TV, people I didn’t know laughing/talking to one another, unfamiliar equipment beeping and booping and grunting coming from the ground level below me. Some occasions random eye contact was made, “Damn it—I’ve been spotted.” Had it not have been for my friend, Kaylene accompanying me (also her first time), I probably would have left or at least quietly suffered through the next 30 minutes on a treadmill. Early into my career, I learned that many or most people feel intimidated when they first step into a new gym. After talking with many clients, other trainers, dissecting my own feelings and having the conversations with others I have not professionally worked with, there was a common experience of being judged. Whenever I entered the gym I could almost hear the words and judgments from those around me—“He clearly doesn’t know what he is doing—what is he doing here?” At least, I thought I could. I was always told (and told clients), people are there to workout, not judge others at the gym. It is true, but this isn’t exactly helpful right? Yes, no one pays to go to the gym in hopes of judging others. We go to the gym to improve our own health. But truth is, while we’re doing that, we may momentarily pass judgment upon another person. In December 2017 The Daily Mail, states a poll where FitRated asked 1000 people about whether they worry about being judged at the gym — and also, whether they've ever judged anyone in the gym. Half of the respondents said they've actually skipped the gym because of fear of judgement. That number jumps to 65% among women. Both men and women reported their biggest concern is their weight. Almost 60% per cent of women and 44% per cent of men said they feared they'd get judged for improperly using workout equipment. But are people really judging other while getting their own workouts in? Well, yes. About 34% of all people surveyed admitted to judging others at the gym — and those people reported spanning the range of physical attractiveness to fitness levels. Then 40% reported they were assessing someone else's weight. In fact, the most common thing they reported judging others for was their clothing. Majority of us have done this—you look at someone’s clothes, the loud noises they’re creating or you’re confused of the movements they’re doing.  Maybe you’re fascinated by how strong someone is. Maybe there is a couple publically displaying their affection for one another. It may be fleeting, but judgments occur. ​ So, people may be judging you and you also may be judging them. What we need to do is acknowledge our preconceived notions of people judging us, and put that energy back onto us and then learn how to handle the judgment we may face. For the majority of the time, if you feel you’re being judged at the gym there are two things we need to keep in mind: 1. Am I actually being judged or am I just assuming I am—what am I basing this of off—what proof do I have? 2. If I am being judged it sucks, but it has more to do with that person than me. For the first point, yeah you can get a 'vibe' from people, but are we assuming that we know what other people are thinking? Are we jumping to conclusions, thinking that other people are judging us? In reality we have no way of knowing that unless some one literally walks up to us and says, “You—I’m judging you.” We also need to note that most people at a gym are strangers. Maybe you recognize someone from social media, but you don’t knowthem. If I have never met someone before, the chances of me talking to someone at the gym is unlikely – it’s nothing personal. But this can be associated with the feeling of being unwelcomed. As for the second point, typically people judge or receive push back from others because you have pushed an internal button for them. Same goes for you—have you ever looked at someone’s outfit and thought it was inappropriate? Or maybe you had a fleeting acknowledgment to yourself of another's fitness level (impressed or not). Maybe you associated someone dropping their weights with arrogance, when the person dropping their weights is now embarrassed because they were trying to remain hidden and blew their cover. What I am getting at here is, we all have had these momentary acknowledgments of who is around us —negative or positive. Maybe they were judgmental, and yes, we probably know very little about the person who just took up some mental space for us. But this had very little to do with them, and mostly to do with us. So let's keep the focus on ourselves, I guess my point of all of this is, yeah, people might judge you. You might catch yourself in the act. Please, do not let this stop you. Find ulterior methods of fitness or spaces if you must. Because at the end of it all, we are all there with the same purpose—self-improvement.

It was around the year 2015 when I went to Vegas with some friends. One night we went out for dinner. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary—we had some drinks in the room before dinner, took a ‘to-go cup’ for the walk to the restaurant. Upon arrival we all ordered some more beverages, along with appetizers, the main course and shared a couple desserts. I am leaving out some of the finer details of shenanigans in between, but for the most part, this night doesn’t sound unordinary. However, a couple days later I noticed that my waistband was tighter and the shirt buttons were snug. “Damn alcohol” I said to myself. Most of us have said this before. “If I want to lose weight I need to cut out all the alcohol.” But when I was listening to a recent Scott Baptie podcast, Steve Kemp made the point that, it actually isn’t moderate alcohol consumption that makes us gain weight—it’s our choices we make after were drinking, that cause us to gain weight. A key point here is moderate consumption. Calories from alcohol can quickly add up to a meal. For example, 3 glasses of red wine equals about 375 calories, while 4 pints of beer equals about 832 calories. Put that into more perspective, a Big Mac from McDonalds has 257 calories. But still, it seems to be the affect alcohol has on our appetite that derails weight loss. What does alcohol do to the body? The liver digests alcohol. Your liver can digest 7grams of alcohol per hour. That amount is easy to hit. For example, a glass of wine has 14 grams of alcohol. When your liver cannot digest the alcohol faster than consumption, it travels into your circulatory system (blood) and brain. This is when your reaction time, memory, judgment and pleasure seeking are affected and the Party Goblin wakes up. (If you want more information on the Party Goblin, click here.) It’s not really the alcohol calories, but the affects of our appetite? Scott and Steve discussed that alcohol affects our appetites short term. But not in the sense, “the more you drink, the more you eat”. Steve shared studies that show you can eat 30% more after drinking moderately. Not just more, but it also affects how much you eat after you are full. So, where you would normally feel “stuffed”, you don’t anymore. Then it came back to me. Upon arriving back to that hotel room later that evening, we stopped by a fast food restaurant in the lobby. I would guess over 1500 calories were purchased before my head hit the pillow. John Romaniello recommends eating 10% less of your daily calories before going out, but definitely eat to help curb any craving influx. But I can still gain weight after drinking, even if I didn’t over-consume food. What gives? This is a scenario I found myself in before as well. Whether it is upon returning from a vacation or simply waking up the next day from dinner and drinks, the scale seems to shift. If you wake up and find yourself 2-4 pounds lighter, it’s probably because you didn’t hydrate sufficiently. So your weight loss is based off of dehydration, not actually fat loss. If you wake up and see the scale 2-4 pounds heavier, it’s probably because you drank a lot of fluid and ate a lot of salt. The increase in weight is also probably not fat, but water retention. This is why you don’t really want to weigh in every day anyway; there are a lot of factors at play. So when you’re drinking, give yourself a couple days post drinking for some time to stabilize. So, how do you plan alcohol into your routine? With most of my nutritional coaching today, I follow more habits based planning. So, if you want to build better habits, I would suggest planning in 1-2 glasses of wine (not 6-8) LOL. Another method is actually allocating the calories from alcohol (including mixes if using) and subtract that from another. For example, if allocating 300-400 calories for your wine consumption, you have to take away the 300-400 calories from your food consumption. Calories do count when it comes to weight loss. You have probably heard not to drink on an empty stomach because alcohol absorption is at 100%. Steve states that if you drink on a full stomach, that drops to 66% absorption. So eat beforehand, and try not to eat once you’re drinking. Does the hangover also affect cravings? As mentioned, yeah alcohol acutely affects our appetite, which can cause for some self-sabotage. The following day or two, Steve accurately states, our goal during the hangover is to “just feel better”. We typically go for the deep fried, salty, comfort foods because we are simply craving salt and electrolytes—we are dehydrated. This is why we feel like garbage – dehydration. Well, and alcohol is a technically a toxin. In order to offset any further sabotage, stock your kitchen with a lot of nutrient dense, low calorie foods—do not call Uber Eats. Drinking water while partying helps, doesn’t it? We know drinking alcohol dehydrates us. It would make sense to drink water. But in this scenario we actually aren’t doing anything because our body is also losing salt and electrolytes when drinking water. This is where the term “breaking the seal” came from – we are going to the bathroom a lot and just peeing everything out. The solution here is to hydrate yourself before you drink, and then when you are finished drinking. Gatorade is great. Steve and Scott also mentioned milk, if you can stomach it. And my workouts? Along with alcohol’s affects on appetite, we also need to acknowledge that if you have over-consumed or not sufficiently done the prep work to keep the hangover at bay, the workout the following day(s) may be missed altogether. So try to workout earlier in the day, before you start drinking. Can you workout on a hangover? Absolutely. In fact, it will probably make you feel a little better. But Steve and Scott note that you need to be realistic with the fact that your performance will not be up to par, so adjust appropriately. It should be something light that can allow you to get moving and a little sweaty. John Romaniello sums it up perfectly, “the fact is, if you DO want to go out and party, you should be able to do that as often as you like without completely screwing everything else up.” The information on this topic is extensive and often confusing, and more studies still need to be done. The purpose of this article is to provide you with some more information so you can enjoy your drinks, minimizing the damage to your body, your fitness goals and keeping your Party Goblin asleep. If you would like some more information, Doctor Jade Teta has a fantastic write up here.

A few weeks back my friend and I were attending a summer BBQ and we wanted to dress up a bit. Days before the event I had mentally prepared my two options—both were button shirts, different colors. Hours before the event I went to try on the shirts and was soon frustrated. My boyfriend asked what was wrong. “Urg. I feel too fat to wear these clothes right now.” He insisted everything looked great and helped me try on some alternate choices. But I was still frustrated. This lasted for about 45 minutes. I had this conversation with a client the following week in the gym and said, “That’s what happens when you consume food and drinks like a Jerk for two and half weeks.” I digressed by saying I wasn’t too worried about it because give me 10 days of regular exercise, eating and I’ll be back to feeling like myself. Which was authentic to how I felt. Why I am emailing you today is because I hear this frequently—people telling me they feel “fat”, “huge” or “have a big stomach”. I read something that struck me from Jessi Kneeland I wanted to share with you: “Feeling ‘fat’ and actually being fat are completely separate and unrelated experiences.” The question being asked is the idea behind why feeling fat is a problem—what does that feel like? The challenge here is to put to words why ‘feeling fat’ is such a negative thing. For myself, the struggle comes from a larger feeling of negativity—things that are harder to name or discuss, so “feeling fat” is the easier route. Jessi Kneeland states, “Fat is not a feeling”. Fat is a description, like “tall”, “slow”, “strong” or “pink”. These are all subjective—not good or bad. But we attached meaning to these words and that’s where the issues arise. For me, the problem wasn’t feeling “fat”, but it was frustrated (mentioned earlier).  It was a feeling of anger towards myself because I willingly over consumed alcohol and food. Yes, I had a lot of celebratory events and family from the USA staying with us. But never did they ask me to consume that way. The responsibility was on myself, and that frustrated me. Jessi went on to state that growing up (particularly with women), “Being called ‘fat’ or ‘big’ or ‘ugly’ was excruciating and everyone knew it, so if someone really wanted to hurt you, those were the insults hurled at you.” The meaning attached to these words are from our surroundings and society as a means to make us feel unworthy—less than. So society can keep us playing small, companies can sell us products to ‘fix’ us and the people around us can make themselves feel better than us. It’s been drawn to my attention that anyone who struggles with feeling fat, unflattering or any body image issues, is really struggling with something else entirely. Maybe it’s failure or worthiness. Maybe it’s something traumatic or maybe like my latest experience, frustrated (with a little shame) because ‘you knew better’. So, I am leaving you with this message by Jessi: Body acceptance is more than reframing our flaws. It’s more than only loving yourself when you’re fit or eating well or doing things you know are ‘right’. Real love is about letting go of the belief that other people have the right to determine if you’re ‘good enough’. It’s about basing your worth on something other than being looked at.

A few weekends ago, my friend Anna and I attended a summer party where we found ourselves sitting at the bar enjoying a drink and laughing with one another. Eventually the two men next to us made some light conversation where they asked what we did for work. I told them I was a personal trainer. He then asked in a condescending tone, “You’re... a personal trainer?” while proceeding to poke me in my stomach. I am not kidding. The stranger blatantly judged me, and then preceded to touch me—As if my body wasn’t my body, but something that he could poke, prod and judge. In the moment I actually laughed at him and said, “Why would I lie about such a thing and yeah, I have had a career in this space for almost a decade.” That was the end of it. This didn’t affect the rest of my evening—I still had a great time and shared genuine laughs with my friend. I didn’t really think anything of it beyond that because I don’t perceive myself as being “fat” and I now have more positive body image days than negative. But it hasn’t been my first experience having someone (a stranger) judge me based on my body. My thoughts the next two days were nothing about the man, but being proudness in myself. I am proud of myself because had that been 10 years ago, I would have hid myself. Questioned myself. Maybe even hated myself. I know this because I have done this. I am proud of myself because of the years of mindset work I have invested in myself. In 2008, I had a classmate tell me I “wasn’t fit enough to be a personal trainer” when my friends and I were discussing career paths. In 2011, after my boss put out an advertisement saying I was accepting clients as a new trainer, I received an email from a stranger saying, “maybe I would have more clients if you lost weight.” There had been incidents between 2008 and 2011, and incidents after that led up to last weekend. The only difference today is my self-worth isn’t tied up in how other people think I should be or what they deem appropriate. I am writing to tell you that if you experience a negative comment or criticism about your body, to let you know your hurt, shock and frustration are totally valid. But I want to encourage you to loosen the grasps on that narrative—it isn’t yours to hold. You do not need to shift how you show up in the world, how much space you decide to take up because of someone else’s experiences of you and their insecurities. I want to remind you that your body is yours and it is not an invitation for anyone to poke, prod or assess. This kind of work will be messy. It will take time and it wont be easy. I am a decade into dissecting narratives that have been associated to me and determine what is mine. And to the stranger at the bar--any other questions?

The day is Monday and you have decided that this is going to be a fresh start to the week. Work went smoothly, you got home sooner than expected—traffic was slow and work was productive. You’re feeling comfortable and satisfied after a nice dinner. Most of your meals for the week have been prepped. Around 9pm you’re about to watch a few episodes of the latest Netflix addiction. Suddenly you’re standing in front of the pantry with your hand in a bag of chips living your best life. The other scenario is it’s the middle of the week, the boss has handed you some extra files to go over, clients to call and meetings to book. You’re running behind, but looking physically calm. The metaphor you would use to describe yourself is a duck swimming—kicking its legs veraciously under water, while everything else is seemingly gracefully. You haven’t eaten much today but are meeting friends for dinner. You’re finding yourself barely reading the menu because it doesn’t matter what you eat, it just needs to be something. The two situations are very different, but involve a quick ‘need’ for food. The first scenario is the craving for the chips and the second is the need to eat because of hunger. A craving and hunger are often misinterpreted for one another, so how do you decipher between the two? Hunger True hunger can often be associated with some slight discomfort—that grumbling gremlin in the pit of your stomach. This can show up when you haven’t eaten for a few hours or most of the day. You may even feel a bit of a headache or weakness. A big determinant of hunger is the feeling is not for one specific thing, but food/calories in general. True hunger also doesn’t pass with time. Craving A craving usually shows up sporadically in the form of comfort foods like chocolate, ice cream or chips. Often these are circumstances like an emotion (positive or negative), being in a particular situation—like needing popcorn in the theatre. The need can occur after you have just eaten and can typically go away with time. When you’re making lifestyle changes it’s often said that diet is the harder part of the change because food is associated with our comfort, copping mechanism and social supports. But confusing cravings for hunger is a huger deterrent for people reaching their health goals. In the future if you’re finding yourself in a situation where you’re asking, “hunger vs. craving?” the easiest answer is: If you are all of a sudden in the need for something random—even it’s persistent; it’s probably a craving. If the need for food in general comes on slowly and doesn’t disappear or increases in discomfort, it’s most likely hunger. Also, just asking yourself “when was the last time I ate?” is a quick decipher tool.

Homophobia is very, very real. Prejudice against marginalized communities isn’t new news, and in this case I am discussing the LGBTQ+ community. Though the world has come a long way in it’s treatment of the community, there are still many countries in the world where it is a punishable offense or death for loving the person you care about who happens to be the same gender. For the sake of this article, I will be discussing homophobia around health and fitness—in the personal workout sense, but also in a professional space. The most recent mainstream cases of homophobia would be from Gus Kenworthy—one of first openly gay athletes to compete in the Olympics for Team USA. Gus is active on social media and during his competition in the 2018 Winter Olympics shared his experience, which included his boyfriend. Gus made note of some of the comments showing up on his YouTube channel. The slurs were hateful and derogatory, but could be summed up as, “It’s 2018—homophobia doesn’t exist anymore. We get it—no one cares you’re gay.” Parker Molloy wrote a piece on the issue stating, “no one sent ‘nobody cares that you’re straight’ comments to straight athletes posting about their significant others or families. It’s almost like they do care that he’s gay.” Gus chose to showcase this as an example that, yes, it’s 2018 and homophobia is alive—particularly in sports. There was an online study, which polled 9,500 people (75% LGBTQ+) in six English-speaking countries — United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, Canada, New Zealand and Australia. The data shows 81% of the Canadians surveyed witnessed or experienced homophobia in sports, while 84% of gay men and 88% of lesbians faced slurs. Over 85% per cent of Canadian LGBTQ+ youth reported they were not open about their sexuality with their teammates. I never had a divested interest in sports growing up myself, but figure skating did grab my attention. “Figure skating is for girls, boys play hockey” is what I was told. Let me take this moment to acknowledge first openly gay Winter Olympic gold medallist, Eric Radford in figure skating and the Women’s Team USA taking home the gold medial in hockey in 2018. Homophobia is a common issue in LGBTQ+ members reaching their health and fitness goals as well. Anxiety is common among most gym goers, but much of the anxiety in the gym comes from valid concerns surrounding fitness culture. Many marginalized groups are still not fully accepted or represented in these spaces. Outside of a workout perspective, homophobia runs in the workplace as well. A new report based on YouGov research with 3213 LGBTQ employees, found that over a 1/3 of LGBTQ people at work have hidden their identity out of fear of discrimination from colleagues (this number rises to 42% for Black, Asian and minority ethnic LGBTQ+ staff, and 51% for trans staff). Workplace bullying/harassment continues to be an issue with close to 1/5 of LGBTQ+ people at work having faced negative comments or conduct from co-workers because of their sexuality or gender identity. Carlito Pablo wrote an article in March 2018, explaining the alleged discrimination by a Vancouver gym manager and co-owner against a gay fitness coach. The article states the employer allegedly said that he will “not hire anymore gay men because he was concerned that they would hit on him”. Also, the owner allegedly said “his life would be easier if he was gay because everyone would hit on him”. B.C. Human Rights Tribunal member Jacqueline Beltgens stated, the accused also noted that the claims are “exaggerated or untrue” but do not dispute that certain comments were made. The accused deny that the fitness coach was ever bullied, but assert that the comments made, were all intended to be light-hearted, and none of them were directed at the fitness coach. To the best of my knowledge, the matter is still being settled with the use of the tribunal’s mediation services. Regardless of the intent behind the comments (being “light-hearted” jokes), it was still at the expense of a person—a marginalized group of people. Though I was “late” to coming out—I came out in my early 20’s, homophobic slurs was something I was experiencing from as far back as I can remember. My biggest professional homophobic indecent was brought to my attention in 2015 when colleagues were using my sexuality as a form of attack on another colleague (who is straight and I barely knew). “No one should make you feel bad for the way you choose to live your life”, the culprits explained to me during the meeting. After listening to forced sounding apologies, my colleague and I looked them in the eye and asked, “Why, out of every one—all other coworkers—why did you choose me—why did you choose, Shane?” After many versions of, “I don’t know—it was just a joke taken too far”, I realized they couldn’t publicly admit that it was because I'm gay. I would describe the following months as awkward, but civil. There was now an "elephant in the room", I had to be alongside not just the homophobic messengers, but some colleagues who turned a blind eye and meetings that fell quiet. Up until that moment, I had the privilege of being a gay man, who never had to question whether or not my sexuality would be a problem in the workplace. Fitness Personality, Jillian Michaels describes how she had “lost a couple big campaigns and a couple magazine covers fell through”, after coming out publicly as a lesbian. Not all cases are so, in your face—I have been in this industry since 2011 and I can recall a fleeting moment where I am working with a client, then suddenly made part of another (straight) trainer’s narrative as he’s questioning his failed relationships adding, "...even Shane can find a woman.” There is a lot to unpack there, but for the topic of this article I will just reference the societal default of me being with a woman. At the time of writing this, I have been committed to another man for almost five years. I don’t place full ownership on this man, because he was a boy who grew up in a society where the expectation is, “men find themselves a woman.” Not to mention I now needed to navigate through a narrative I wasn't asked to be apart of during my client's session, as they are fully aware of the context. I also need to note that I didn't feel any malicious intent behind the comment, I feel it was made purely from a place of ignorance. Earlier in my career I was hesitant to make my sexuality known in the fear of losing clients. Today when asked about my weekend during a client's session, I don't have an issue mentioning my boyfriend passively in conversation because personally, I am more comfortable in my body, but also I don't want to work with those who would deny me of my basic rights anyway. It took time for me to get here and I realize in a way, a privilege I hold right now. Where before it was in the forefront of my mind, but also because I recognize many LGBTQ+ trainers may too struggle with this professionally. There have been some reports that the biggest issue with homophobia and sports/fitness is within the change rooms. Cyd Zeigler (one of the founders of Outsports.com) stated to the Chicago Tribune, on a professional level, it’s the “locker room” banter that further marginalizes a gay/closeted person. Reporting most closeted athletes cannot relate to the banter going on because it’s usually about woman (derogatory or not) and teasing of the male gender (usually at the expense of qualities non-straight men generally posses). Another issue with that 'banter' is due to the relaxed nature of gyms compared to other professional establishments, that banter can easily find it's way onto the gym floor where LGBTQ+ clients and trainers now need to navigate around. Change room harassment and judgements are prevalent to the Community on the general scale from patrons just trying to workout in their local gym. Those who may not be “straight passing” are at a higher risk for harassment and physical abuse as well. Personally, when I think about gym class, yeah, the class sucked, but a huge anxiety trigger, was the change room itself. I knew there would be guys in there with me that have said slurs to me or I have heard them say to others, making me nervous because I thought, “What if?” What if they verbally assaulted me? What if they physically assaulted me? What if something happens, and there is no adult authority to witness? So when I read that the locker/change rooms were an issue, I wasn't surprised. I have an appreciation for professional sports, but personally don’t follow them closely. With this I am making myself more aware of professional athlete's experiences coming out of the closet and how their careers may have been affected. Homophobia in fitness is a very diverse, multi-layered subject and I have only scratched the surface here. Admittedly, I still have much to learn, but after many conversations, global issues and personal experience, I felt the need to showcase the issues that the LGBTQ+ Fitness Community faces both on a personal “working out” and professional “training/athlete” level. I also feel as someone who is working professionally in the health/wellness industry, these are issues that need to be discussed, because fitness is, and should be, for everyone.

Before I start, I just wanted to say I found it funny that three weeks into my diet my most recent search history stated, “If there are no carbs in Gin, then were do the calories come from?” It was back in December when I decided I would diet early in the New Year. It isn’t unusual for someone to be planning ahead and thinking of ways they can improve upon the last year. I recognize that for some people, hearing that someone who tends to lean away from restrictive strategies and aims to educate clients in the methods of “moderation” seems a bit strange. I decided going on a structured diet and fitness plan would be beneficial for several reasons: 1. A new challenge: I have been comfortable in my methods of fitness for a while now and desired a challenge - particularly with food. Over the past few years I have swapped my “all or nothing”, calorie counting mindset to that of mindfulness (I know, I know, I almost eye-rolled writing that myself LOL). But this new regime required me to track calories and macronutrients with their corresponding workout and rest days. As expected, it was at times, tedious and uncomfortable for me but it pushed me beyond my comfort zone. 2. Reintroducing sacrifice: Sacrifice is relative. While I was navigating away from the extremes and trying to find this grey area called, Moderation, there still needed to be a sacrifice to some extent. I couldn’t eat all the chocolate almonds I wanted. I needed to be more conscious of my choices when eating out and I needed to get my priorities straight. I have been practicing moderation for a few years, so I realize I have been removed from the feeling of sacrifice for a while. Following another diet plan, which involved more structured fasting times and tracking the concrete protein, carb and fat intakes I knew would require more sacrifice on my part. 3. I wanted to change the appearance of my body: I was going to be going on a vacation in the spring where I knew there was going to be a lot of pool time involved. Knowing this, I wanted to change the way my body appeared. Now, it’s important to note that changing your body for vanity is okay. We think body change needs to be solely health related, and if it is based off of appearance, you’re vain. This isn’t true. Even if it is a byproduct, we have all embarked on a new fitness regime in the hopes of seeing some desirable physical changes. I think it’s important to also note, that wanting to change my body isn’t coming from a place of unworthiness. Though it took a lot of self-work, how I feel about myself doesn’t change as my body changes. I need to add the most important underlining motive: Dieting helped me emphasize better with my clients. As mentioned, I remember the feelings of sacrifice, but it has been a while since I felt the physical and emotional stress of making big changes. When someone is starting out, beginning an exercise plan is stressful. Planning your food takes time and it can be overwhelming to try to stay consistent. Though my sacrifices may be different than those of a client who is just starting out, the feelings are shared: I was reintroduced to the feeling of explaining the details of your diet and your own reasoning. I witnessed the subtle annoyance from others when they heard I wouldn’t be eating a particular items on the menu. Though well intended, I was reminded that some people will try to keep you complacent through complimenting, “but you don’t need to do that –you’re already fit and healthy.” I was facing the fork in the road, where I needed to miss social hangouts, break the diet or take the time to create an action plan so I would stay on track. I was finding myself trying to manage other people’s concerns of my diet. I noticed that even though we all ate what we wanted to, people knowing I was on a diet made them feel awkward eating in front of me. It’s like they didn’t want me to feel bad/deprived or they felt compelled to justify to me, why they were eating what was on their plate. I also found at times, I would project these same thoughts onto others. By going this exercise and diet plan, it allowed me to get back in touch with the feelings I experienced years ago when I first started making changes in my body composition and health. Getting back in touch with these feelings is allowing me to meet clients where they are at and further support them in their own journeys. I realized that this isn't our business, nor is it our job to justify our own health and fitness in the sake of satisfying another’s opinion--especially when we are not doing harm to ourselves. We don’t need to spend the time managing other people, when the whole point of this is about us; what we want for our health and body. If you’re just starting a new routine, this is a reminder that it’s not your business to manage other’s concerns, feelings or thoughts about you—especially not with your own health and fitness. Also, the answer to where are the calories in Gin are coming from—the alcohol itself.

A question we all want the answer to. Instant gratification rocks, so immediately would be ideal, right? However, every person is different and unique, so you should expect that your results would also be unique to others. It may be quicker or it may be slower. If you do not see results immediately, do not panic. Your body is already getting stronger and healthier after your first workout. What is the order I should see changes happen? John Romaniello explained the order of change typically occurs with strength first. You'll notice the weights you’re using seem lighter than they were before, resulting in you lifting heavier. This happens because your brain learns to recruit more muscle fibres in order to lift heavier loads. The second adaptation to occur would be with your performance. Meaning you are becoming better at moving. Your body and nervous system are developing and become more efficient at the movement patterns and building endurance. Endurance means you’re able to lift weights or perform a certain amount of work without tiring easily. This occurs because your body is increasing the number of Mitochondria – the cell's espresso machine. The more mitochondria you have, the more energy your muscles will have. However, this is where many people can become frustrated. In my earlier years this is where I would jump ship and swap programs because I wasn't seeing these visual changes. The issue is they don’t really start to appear until after your strength increases and performances improves. I wasn't giving the program enough time to actually run it's course. The method of program hopping was a detriment to my progress. This is why consistency is so important in your workout regime. “Okay, but when do I see the results of my hard work?” If you don't make the errors I made early on, within the third adaptation there will be a decrease in body fat. After approximately 4-6 weeks you are able to notice a fat loss, because your body is more efficient and able to perform more work (burning more calories). Lastly, after strength and endurance increases, better movement patterns, and fat being lost to energy expenditure, you gain muscle. This is where you really start to see the results in the mirror. This lean muscle you have will also burn fat to help maintain itself, in addition to the more intensive calorie burning workouts. Of course this is a general outline of the body adaptation process and you can very likely notice measurable differences along the way giving a proper nutrition and workout regime.​ ​ BOTTOM LINE: the process of “getting fit” is a journey that expands over months and years, but the benefits start on the first workout. If you’re consistent, you should start seeing the visual results after 4-6 weeks.

It was the summer of 2012. I was at a friend’s home having some pre-drinks with everyone before heading out. I took a break from playing cards to check out the kitchen for food, because this is what friends do at friend’s homes. Right? #Family I grazed the fridge and saw some leftover pizza. I called to my friend in the other room asking if she was going to finish the pizza. To no surprise, she laughed and said I could eat it.  After I polished off the last pieces of her pizza I mixed the others some drinks and rejoined the group. There was usually three scenarios that would take place later that night when we got home. I would either eat more of my friend’s food (I was that guy), or pick something up immediately upon leaving the bar or raid the kitchen for anything when I got back to my downtown apartment. I almost wish I could say these scenarios were rare, but when my cousin declares it funny because, “Shane is so regimented, but the moment he drinks he’ll eat anything and everything!” I have to acknowledge it’s not. Oh, and my cousin wasn’t lying. A few months ago I had to laugh at myself as I was reminded of the tradition of stopping by the local 7-11 to get 4 Monterrey Chicken Taquito’s as we waited for a cab. The food I ate after midnight didn’t even have to look appetizing. Okay, it didn’t even actually need to smell good for that matter. “There was one time we woke up and I didn’t know what concoction Shane made, but it smelt awful.” I totally remember this. I don’t know what it was, but I remember mustard and egg was the main ingredient. Have you ever gone through this? Like, you’re regimented, diligent and on track during the week, then the moment you have some drinks on the weekend and you go off the rails? (Pictured here: Baby Shane, making Pina Colada's looking off where I imagine he's wondering what to eat.) In my late teens and early twenties I spent a lot of time in this area. I wouldn’t say I was unaware of this pattern because I did know that I was drunk binging on food. I guess I justified it because I worked out 5-7 days a week and ate “80% healthy”. I convinced myself that this was "moderation". But what I wasn’t aware of was that I crammed so much into that 20% window that it was like a 50:50 nutritional split. Hindsight, this completely derailed any progress I was hoping to make. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not this enlightened super-being who is now immune to the 2am snacks with his friends. But what I am saying is, this is now few and far between. And even if these 2am meals happen, they are not progress inhibiting. I don’t have friends regularly discussing the “Shane Feasts from the other night”. They are now more of an enlightening memory to look back on and laugh. So, what happened? How did I stop these midnight binges? 1. Real Moderation I know, I know. This is not sexy, ground breaking and it’s even been thrown around so many times it’s kind of lost it’s meaning. But hear me out. I stopped putting myself on this strict diet where I would only eat fruit, vegetables and protein during the week and would workout 5-7 days per week. Because, yeah once I had some drinks in me, my inhibitions were down, I did not have the will power to stop myself. I used up all my energy and will power Monday to Thursday “being good”, that when I slipped up, I would crash and burn. I had the appearance of structure and being under control - I wasn’t. I was deprived. 2. I relinquished control What this really means is, I let go of this idea that everything had to be perfect (because this obviously wasn’t working). I was setting myself up on this Monday to Thursday ritual of “clean eating” and Friday/Saturday “moderation” and Sunday food prep. This routine was literally on repeat, week after week and this routine was not getting me anywhere. 3. I called B.S. on myself I saw that my behavior was hindering my fitness goals and to be frank, it wasn’t healthy. Once I did this I realized that I was perpetuating this idea to myself that I was living a balanced lifestyle with “moderation”, but I really wasn’t. I was depriving myself to the point where I needed to rebel against my own regime, which hindered my progress. I said I followed “moderation” because I allowed both the “good” and “bad” foods into my diet, but the fact that I was late night binging is a red flag that something isn’t working. Have you ever experienced this? I can’t be alone. Please, share your stories. I mean, you couldn’t have also woken up next to a wrapped ham.

This is a very common concern I get from clients and the general public. Depending on who you are, you’re probably more particular to one over the other. For myself, I prefer weights to cardio. When I was just beginning to enter the gym I preferred cardio. Mainly because I did not have the self-efficacy to confidently walk into the weight room. But which comes first? Is one more important than the other? Let me just get this stated off the bat: they are very different, but both serve their purpose. Strength and cardiovascular endurance are on opposite ends of the training spectrum. It can be a challenge to improve both at the same time. However, we aren’t here because we want to be an award winning Olympic athlete. We are here because we just want to not feel so winded going for a casual run or walking up stairs, but also showcasing a little more muscle tone. So, what can we do to solve this? Do both. I know, I know. “Not helpful, Shane.” Stay with me. Alex Hutchinson, Ph.D. states a study from Derek Hansen, a head coach for strength and conditioning in Vancouver, BC where he used both training aspects for training his basketball players where they saw a benefit in both training aspects. However, Derek places an emphasis on weight training because strength is their main priority. Alex describes how researchers are able to measure which proteins are created in muscles after different forms of exercise. Both are important, but what comes first? There is no right or wrong here. The way I generally program for my clients (and myself) is I place the cardio portions at the end of the workout.  I start out with the weights because most of my clients come to me with a goal that needs some form of strength training. I design weights to be first because this is when we are feeling the freshest and can use all that focus and energy into proper form into the lifts that require more attention. But also, it depends on your goal. Alex Hutchinson describes a “switch” that happens at the beginning of a workout that determines if “better endurance” or “more muscle” will be created. Unfortunately, this cannot occur at the same time. So, if you’re goal is to increase strength, build muscle or tone your weights should come before cardio. If you’re goal is to improve cardio endurance, then your entire cardio workout should come before the weights. If you want to improve both, change it up from day to day or incorporate resistance training circuits that give you that “cardio feel”.